This week you are 13 weeks old. Today is the very last day of my maternity leave. Tomorrow you will go to your Great Aunt's house for the first time, and I will be away from you for a full day. The longest I have been away from you so far has been three or four hours. I am going to miss you so much baby girl.
Right now you are snuggled up in your stroller sleeping quietly, letting mommy get some writing done. You are wearing a big warm hoodie. The hood keeps falling down over your eyes, and it's really really cute. You have your taggie with you, which you absolutely love. I got it on a whim at Tar.get the other day, because it was on sale. Best five bucks I've ever spent. You absolutely adore it, and play with the tags on it constantly. You're favorite trick now is to pull it up over your head so you can sleep when you think it's too bright out.Yesterday you had a very fussy day. You wanted to eat very frequently, and it seemed like you were either eating, sleeping or crying all day. Then you went to sleep around 10 and slept through the night. You didn't wake up (except for a little fussing in the middle of the night when you lost your binky) until I woke you up to get dressed around 8:45am.
Tomorrow is going to be an adjustment I think. I will have to get up early (around 6 or 6:30) to get up and dressed and have everything ready for you by the time I need to head out at 7:30. No more leisurely days sleeping in until 8 or 8:30. No more quiet morning feeding while we snuggle on the couch. The new schedule is going to take a while to iron out, I think. Your father is still ironing out the details of staying home with you, but he's really excited about getting to be around you so much.
The weather has been getting colder lately, so you've been wearing a lot of the hoodie that Jan got you. I need to go through your clothes and figure out if you've got any more warm jackets that fit. We bought you a really cute warm hoodie yesterday, it's got bear ears on the hood! It's still a little big for you I think, but by the time the serious cool weather gets here it should fit.
Your room is still a shambles, we haven't really had time to put everything together. We've been focusing on getting the living room and kitchen organized and useable. Your father and I's bedroom is only partly organized, we have our dressers put together, but all of our clothing is still in boxes and laundry baskets. It's starting to drive your father a little crazy. Every now and then he goes on a cleaning rampage and spends a few hours manically organizing things. This is extremely helpful as I, your mother, am organizationally challenged. I'm hoping you get his organization skills.
I hope I'm doing the right thing for you by going back to work. I know there are ways we could make it work with me staying home, but it would be so much harder. I know there are many arguments for why this is a good thing for you and for us. I still worry that I'm going to screw you up by going back to work, that somehow I'm a worse mother for it. I guess the only thing we can do is move forward and see how we all feel in a few months.
One of the things your father is going to do is to try to either get health insurance from his job or to get a raise to cover the amount of money health insurance would cost. Either way, that would take some of the pressure out of our situation, since it would give me some more wiggle room with my job. In my ideal world, I would get to stay home with you part time, and only work part time. If your father can get insurance through his job, then maybe I can drop down to part time at my job, and give up my health insurance, in favor of staying home with you more.
Of course, this schedule might work really well. I might feel differently in a few weeks or months, and not want to change our routine again. Only time will tell.
I love you Baby Girl.
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